I sheepishly browsed in the supermarket for make-up. To avoid the strange looks from those around me, I would pretend I was on my cell phone to a girl friend and in fact shopping for her! It went something like ... "What colour eyeshadow do you want honey? They have blue, pink.... " or "do you want matte or glossy lipstick?" The arrival of packages was always cause for excitement and I eagerly tried on my new outfits as soon as they arrived, parading in front of the mirror, tottering in high heels. I particularly liked the way heels changed my posture and made me look more girly, causing my knees to bend, by bottom to stick out and my back to straighten. I looked pretty good, especially my legs.I had shaved most of my body, including my "bikini" area. I guessed as it was winter, I wouldn't be wearing shorts, so nobody would see my hairless legs.Learning to apply make-up was another matter entirely, but I gradually started to get the hang of it.Good foundation and concealer seemed to. She called her mother a few days later to let her know she was all right. Poor Janice, always stuck in the middle. Almost a decade and a half of trying to keep the peace between us. She tried to get me to call Suzanne and apologize to her. She begged me for once in my life to shove my stupid pride aside and make the first move. I accused her of ganging up on me with our daughter.Janice left me soon after that. A daughter was born but I never saw her. My granddaughter. Janice found somebody, got married and moved back east. She sent me cards for Christmas and my birthday every year. Every one had a note with Suzanne's phone number in it. Twice a year, I'd sit in my easy chair, looking at the name and the phone number and envision calling her. I would grovel and she would tearfully forgive me and introduce me to this child of hers; the granddaughter I knew absolutely nothing about. But I was too damn stubborn for that.I've often wondered how bringing a new life into the world could have.
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